Say Nothing
by barefootwits
Summary: Nick wakes up next to Jay, like he has too many times, and there's nothing he can do about it. Nick's thoughts about Jay and an affair they're having. NickJay slash!


A/N: I read The Great Gatsby in school this year and all I wanted was for Nick to grab Jay and tell him he loves him, because Nick is honest like that. Two friends and I got a lot of flails and laughs over the two of them. I just wrote this in class and I'm not as proud of it as everything else that I've written, because I don't usually write fics that are primarily the character's thoughts. I like dialogue and interaction too much. But I liked trying to get across how I saw Nick. I hope it's enjoyed. Con-crit and reviews are nice!!

Disclaimer: I don't own The Great Gatsby. Wish I had Jay's house, though.

* * *

Nick woke up positively trapped. He couldn't move his legs because another set was tangled with them, and the only shift in position he could make was to tilt his head and glance down. He saw Jay Gatsby resting on his chest, breathing evenly and as one asleep does.

He groaned.

They were terrible for each other, if he thought about it, admitted it to himself. Neighbours, and a mutual accuaintance that caused everything between them to be a world of confusion, possessiveness, and paranoia. At least on Nick's part. Jay, he chided, could be, and was, in love with he and Daisy both.

Jay had said he _was_ in love with Daisy. Nick made himself believe better. He _is._

It made the mornings like this more complicated. All Nick wanted to do was fall back asleep, bringing his arms around Jay. He wanted to imagine he'd always wake up in this overly comfortable bed, overly comfortable next to the man to whom he was as absently attracted to as ever. There had never, would never, be a word in history to describe what Nick thought about Gatsby. This was because he didn't know most days. There were a few seconds in which he thought he knew, when the two of them were staring at each other across the room without realizing the other was even looking, and they'd share sly smiles - fuck. Jay's smile. And there were other times, too, when he was next to Jay, and possibly close enough that they were touching, somewhere, anywhere, but Daisy was there in her white dresses, so Nick was ignored and shrunken beyond possibility. Those times, he thought that he thought nothing of Gatsby.

Nick never wanted to know what Jay thought about him. If he saw his part-lover begin to open his mouth and imagined for a second that some endearment might come his way, something other than "old sport," he would excuse himself from the room. And Jay would call after him, then follow him, and Nick would feel so queasy that he would just run, dash around that magnificent house until he found a door outside and ran onto the beach and disappeared for a while. It was all because he knew that Jay might say something entirely different. That he was leaving, to be closer to Daisy. That Nick would never see him again. That Nick was not adequate enough.

Jay shifted as Nick stared at the ceiling, and he continued staring at the ceiling when Jay's hand came up to brush over his cheek, trying to figure out who he had slept with - was it Daisy?

Nick went frigid when Jay sighed, and felt his nose wrinkling up, thinking he thought Jay was the worst man to ever happen to him. Thinking that if he could move, he would roll over, stand up, walk out, never come back. So then Jay couldn't be first to do it.

But he was trapped.

Jay pressed his blond head against Nick's chest, breaths waking up, and Nick watched him open his mouth.

"Good morning."

He made Jay flinch. Too loud, rushed, just to keep words he was unsure of away.

Jay peeked up at him, tired still, but only in the way that meant he forgot he was really with someone. Insecure, Nick closed his eyes.

"Nick, when will you let me-"

Nick tried to sit up, but Jay applied his entire body weight. And after a while Nick opened his eyes, finding Jay looking at the wall, and then Jay put his head back down and closed his eyes and was back asleep within a few still minutes.

Nick thought his heart had cracked, and all he'd done was guard it.


End file.
